


How Even Gloria Knew!

by Morgane (smilla840)



Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: Crack, First Time, M/M, Set during the whole Eric has a stalker thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-01-30
Packaged: 2017-11-27 13:36:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilla840/pseuds/Morgane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gloria is crazy. But it can help sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Even Gloria Knew!

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at my livejournal.

Ryan walked back into the crime lab, looking exasperated. He was supposed to be going home after a double shift and he was _tired_. But of course, it had to happen today of all days.

Eric looked up when he saw him storm past the Trace lab once, and then twice, the second time carrying his kit. Frowning, and a little curious, Eric jogged to catch up with him.

“Hey, what’s going on? I thought you were going home.”

Ryan sighed. 

“Someone trashed my car.”

Eric’s steps faltered. Surely, this was all a coincidence...

“I heard the same thing happened to Boa Vista two weeks ago.” Ryan went on, oblivious to Eric’s reaction. “They have to be crazy, whoever is doing this. It _is_ the lab’s parking lot. There are always cops around.”

“So what are you going to do?” Eric asked, his mind frantically trying to rationalize that it couldn’t possibly be Gloria, because he certainly wasn’t dating Ryan. Not that the thought didn’t appeal to him (a little) but still... This was crazy. 

Then again, it _was_ Gloria.

“Take some photos and dust for prints. And file a report.” Ryan looked both angry and exhausted, and Eric decided to take pity on him. Plus, it would give him the added benefit to have time to think about the whole situation.

“Look, why don’t you go home? I’ll collect whatever evidence there is, and you can file a report tomorrow.”

Ryan seemed torn for a second or two but in the end he agreed, like Eric had known he would. The minute he was out of sight, Eric took out his cell phone and dialed a now familiar number.

“What is your problem?” he barked in his phone the moment she picked up.

“Why, Eric. You want me to pay him back too?”

She sounded amused and crazy and God, why had he ever gone out with her?

“That would be a start, yeah. Then you can leave me, and him, alone. And why did you do that for anyway?” Eric was close to yelling but he really didn’t care. “We’re not even together!”

“There is no need to be like that. I _saw_ you.”

Okay, now Eric was lost. So, what if he checked Ryan out from time to time when no one was watching? Gloria couldn’t possibly have seen _that_!

“Oh, for God’s sake! Get a life!” Eric hung up and took a couple of deep calming breaths before starting to shoot pictures of Ryan’s car. He even dusted for prints, because he had told Ryan he would, but didn’t find anything particular apart from the obvious ones from Ryan.

He was just finishing up when Natalia came into view and Eric groaned. Now the day was perfect.

Of course, she had to notice the car.

“Eric! Don’t tell me she did it again! You have to do something, she can’t just go around breaking car windows!”

“Look, I don’t have time -”

“Wait. That’s not your car.” she said, her eyes narrowing slightly. She knew that car. In fact... “That’s Ryan’s car!”

She turned wide eyes on Eric, and yeah, most perfect day ever.

“You- you- You and Ryan?”

“Look, there is nothing between Ryan and I, alright? Gloria is crazy. You of all people should know that!” Eric said almost pleadingly because he really didn’t need her telling the whole lab. It wasn’t even _true_! If it had been... well that would have been a completely different matter. But he didn’t want her to freak Ryan out and blow whatever little chance he might have.

However, she looked far from convinced and Eric gave up, throwing his hands in the air before stomping back towards the lab. Unlike some people, he had work to do.

\---

The next day, Ryan filed his report and Eric did his best to avoid both him and Natalia, who looked at him accusingly whenever their paths crossed. He mostly succeeded, but it was with relief he made his way towards his car that evening.

Except it wasn’t going to be that easy.

Gloria.

Eric groaned. He really had to consider getting that restraining order.

“What do you _want_?” he asked irritatingly.

He really hadn’t counted on her pulling out a gun.

“Okay. Take it easy, alright?” he said, his hands coming up in the air in the most non-threatening way he could manage – which, considering he was glaring at her, wasn’t much.

“Put these on.” She threw handcuffs at him and Eric obeyed slowly. Figured. She had always liked to tie him up. And why had he left his weapon in his locker? Not that it would have helped. She had the advantage and she knew how to use it. Maybe if he could stall long enough, someone would come along...

Unfortunately she didn’t seem incline to wait. Once Eric had cuffed himself, she directed him towards a car and motioned him to get into the backseat.

He did - with some difficulties.

And almost fell into Ryan’s lap.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, rather stupidly. 

Obviously, Ryan thought the question was stupid too.

“How should I know!” he said, waving his own cuffed hands in his direction. “You’re the one who seem to know that girl! She just showed up with a gun and told me to get in. What was I supposed to do?”

Eric fidgeted a little, shooting a quick glance towards the front seat. They were pulling out of the parking lot now and Gloria was ignoring them both.

“We dated a couple of times,” he finally whispered and Ryan stared at him with something akin to disbelief.

“Okay. Fine. So your taste in women sucks.” – at this, Eric coughed something that sounded a lot like ‘Erica’ but Ryan chose to ignore him and went on – “That doesn’t explain what _I’m_ doing here.”

Eric shrugged. “No idea.”

Except he had but he wasn’t about to tell Ryan that. Not yet anyway. Because ‘well, see Ryan, she thinks you’re gay and sleeping with me’ probably wasn’t the best way to go for it.

But Ryan wasn’t exactly stupid either. “Wait a second. Did _she_ trash my car?” He looked outraged and turned towards Gloria. “Hey you!”

“Gloria.” Eric helpfully supplied.

“Right. Gloria? Look, clearly you’re mad at Eric and you probably have a good reason for that.” Now it was Eric’s turn to look slightly outraged. “But I have nothing to do with this okay? So, how about you let me go and -”

“No. Shut up.”

“But...” Ryan tried again, only to be interrupted by the waving of the gun in his face. After that, he wisely shut up, alternatively staring at the window – tainted and sound-proof, and both doors were locked, damn it – and shooting accusing looks at Eric.

Eric ignored them for the most part – after all, it wasn’t his fault Gloria’s crazy mind had decided he and Ryan were lovers – wishful thinking didn’t count. Except he hadn’t told Ryan that part yet, and wasn’t he looking forward to it?

They finally reached their destination – which happened to be Gloria’s house – and Eric knew now was their chance to attract attention. Not that he thought she would actually shoot either of them – after all, she hadn’t shot Marisol – but he didn’t want to press his luck by running.

Unfortunately she seemed to have foreseen that possibility and taped both their mouths before taking them one after the other into the house.

Once inside she made them seat on the sofa and freed their mouths none too gently.

“Look, Gloria,” Eric tried again. “I know what you think, but it’s not true. Why don’t you let us go and we won’t tell anyone.” – like hell they wouldn’t – “Right Ryan?”

Ryan nodded but Gloria didn’t. O-kay. Let’s try something else.

“What do you want then? You’re just going to keep us here?”

“I want you to tell him it’s over between the two of you.”

Ryan made a noise that sounded a lot like a squeak and Eric very carefully did _not_ look at him.

“We’re not together!” Ryan protested and when Eric did look at him, he looked a little stunned and a lot red.

“I saw you!” she shrieked.

“Well you definitely saw wrong because we’re not together!” Ryan shot back and maybe Eric should tell him not to aggravate her. All that gun waving was bound to be a little dangerous.

“Look Ryan... it’s over between us, okay?” Might as well play along with her little fantasy and get it over with, Eric figured. She might let them leave then – he certainly wasn’t looking forward to listening to her ravings all night.

Ryan now looked completely bewildered. “You’re breaking up with me? You can’t break up with me because we’re not _dating_!”

Eric rolled his eyes. Ryan really wasn’t helping. “Help me out here, okay?” he hissed and Ryan looked a little chagrined – only for a moment. Then he went back to looking mutinous. 

“I can’t believe she thinks we’re together.” he muttered and Eric tried to ignore the pained little twist in his chest.

Gloria was now glaring from one to the other, a calculating gleam in her eyes.

“You smile and you laugh with him.” Eric shrugged. If that was it there really was something wrong with her brain. “And you check him out all the time.”

Eric glared at her and she just smirked at him, a superior look firmly planted on her face. So she _had_ seen it. Of course it had to be his luck that the one person who noticed wasn’t the one who was supposed to. Then he spared a glance at Ryan who was blinking owlishly at him. Great. Someone kill me now.

“And you -” Gloria turned accusingly towards Ryan. “You do the exact same thing when you think he’s not looking!”

Ryan sputtered a little and did his best impersonation of a tomato. 

“I do not!” he said indignantly but Eric wasn’t duped. In fact he felt quite smug. Ryan _had_ been checking him out! Maybe getting kidnapped by a crazy ex-girlfriend wasn’t so bad after all.

At that point the door burst open and SWAT stormed in, quickly followed by Horatio and Calleigh. They disarmed Gloria quite efficiently and took her away – thankfully after retrieving the keys to the handcuffs – while she struggled and screamed that Eric was hers and Ryan couldn’t have him.

The sudden silence once she was out of the room was almost a blessing. Horatio freed them while Calleigh explained that she had seen Eric get into the car with Gloria and the gun. They had had no idea that Ryan was with them until Horatio mentioned his car’s broken window and Calleigh put two and two together.

“We’re not together.” Ryan said defensively, a pre-emptive strike of sorts.

All he got in answer was H’s raised eyebrow and Calleigh’s knowing smirk. Neither looked very convinced.

“So we’ve heard Mr. Wolfe. So we’ve heard.”

Horatio was smirking too now and God, did the entire lab think they were dating? Wait... Had Natalia...? Between her and Gloria, everyone would be sure to get an earful.

“Do you need us to make our depositions now or can it wait tomorrow?” Eric cut in. He was more than eager to go home now – with Ryan preferably. They had to ‘talk’.

When H told him it could wait, Eric got up. He accepted Calleigh’s car keys gratefully and pulled Ryan behind him.

“Come on, we’re going.”

“But- but-” Ryan stammered but followed anyway. Then he found himself inside Calleigh’s SUV with Eric plastered against him.

“What are you _doing_?” Ryan asked a little wildly.

“ _Were_ you checking me out?”

“Well, yes, but...”

“Do you want to be the gossip of the lab for the next month and have it be all for nothing?”

When it looked like Ryan was actually considering it Eric rolled his eyes and kissed him.

That was a sure way to make him stop thinking.

And he certainly didn’t hear him complaining!


End file.
